I am once again on the road, traveling, playing shows, and trying to get something figured out as far as what I’ll be doing this winter. I have been incredibly depressed, but still somehow active in the world, which just means I do stuff but I don’t really feel anything. It comes with the territory of being me. Sometimes the mood just doesn’t fit the setting. I’ve learned to live with it slightly………This world is going nuts, and it seems to be taking me with…..
I went to out to the pipeline protest at Standing Rock a few weeks ago and it was a life changing experience for me on multiple levels. I was there for multiple reasons. Mainly, I’m sick of these greedy companies just destroying the earth when we have every reason to be turning to alternative energies. I’m sick of being misrepresented by sicko politicians who are all in bed with the executives. I can’t stand living in lies anymore, and I think that my time at Standing Rock was the closest I’ve lived to truth and peace in my entire life. It is a very spiritual and healing place for all people that attend,especially for all of the indigenous people who have their shared experiences and are now coming together in brotherhood. It is becoming also increasingly volatile, with North Dakota’s leaders sending in riot police to attack people who are praying. I am trying to return as soon as possible. I have quit all of my jobs except for playing music, and am working to winterize my travel trailer.
I returned to civilization after my time there, and have felt very wrong, off, and distant from people. I wanted to stay out there, but I had some shows to play, and right when I was telling myself that i needed to stay while opening 50 cans of tuna fish to feed everyone, an elder said ” Make sure to take care of your things at home.” I also, regardless of the community and love I felt, was also still feeling the effects of mania and panic. I have been waiting to see a psychiatrist for over two months, and made a solid decision to go back on medication for it, so i had to get back to the cities for that. I wish I didn’t have to take anything, but it has become too difficult and apparent that I do. So strange to have a mind that works against you.
I worked The Ryder Cup which was a disgusting, anti environmental event where the richest of the rich go to have their sleaze meetings and get their clients drunk. That was a stark contrast. I made money, but it felt dirty….. But I guess thats kind of the irony I live in…. Go make money destroying the earth, while saving money to try and defend it. Until that ceases we all are forced to live in disharmony with ourselves. I hope I can be of service in changing that…
Currently, I lay on a futon at my dads house… I played music at the resort this weekend to a rather vibrant crowd, one night at the pub, then another night at a golf course party. Now its Wednesday. I will hopefully get the windows out of my camper for repair today, and tonight I’m doing a radio show to promote my show on Saturday…….More on that in the coming days…….
Amanda Standalone and Her Blog 