Today as I still sit in the jeans I fell asleep in, with a french press full of coffee made on my single hot plate, I attempt to leave, only to find that I didn’t do any of the things I was supposed to do as far as decisions about the album… I don’t know what order the songs should go in, I don’t know what I want the CD package to be, and I don’t know if I want to make an insert with all of the lyrics and I don’t know……..I told my buddy Mike who is producing the album that it is frightening to let it go out in the world. It’s kind of like a kid in a way… It’s all of your creative energy embodied in a little box… once there, kind of there for good… That’s insane. In order for it to get over with I just have to get in my van and drive and here I sit, writing away, no coffee in the mug, and still in the same clothes i was wearing yesterday. I do this all the time. I’m sure I’ll find something to distract me from going. Nah… I’m going now. I swear. This album must be done. There will be more after, but who knows when? Its taken me five years since the last one……Yikes!! I better go….
Today I woke up with a pounding headache and little desire to go to work. I remembered that my buddy Mary Lou was in town, and that she might be able to come in early to take my appointment. I am quickly losing my desire to work doing massage. What was once invigorating in a way has turned into a drain. Again. I sometimes find myself getting into super negative thoughts while I’m working, and then I worry that my clients can feel it. So far, no one has complained. I wonder how much people can really feel as far as that… I personally get overwhelmed quickly by other people’s energies. I read once a quote ” Be responsible for the energy you bring into a place.” I wonder how much I make things up in my head in order to explain feeling off, but I also know that my intuition has kept me alive thus far, so I can’t really doubt it too much. It helps my work to be sensitive to these things, but it is also very dangerous at times when you can’t put your finger on what shifted your mood…. Sometimes I think I take other peoples stuff, and it makes it hard to keep a hold of mine, if that makes any sense…… Either way…. two months left of the resort life…. Then its off into the wild blue world of touring as a folk musician…… I’m terrible at planning….so stay tuned as the bull gets let out of the cage……..